The Dog you Have or the Dog you Want?
It’s so hard for dogs to be dogs in our human world anymore.
Do you see the dog in front of you? As in who they are — what they like, what personality traits make them unique? Or — do you see the dog you wish you had? The dog you are trying to mold your dog into?
As much as we selectively breed dogs for our own purposes and what we want, they remain individual sentient beings with their own personalities, emotions, desires, fears, needs, and wants. It’s so very human of us to try to expect dogs to like other dogs we like — to like kids we like — all because we do. Humans get so frustrated when their dog just doesn’t do, feel, respond, or act the way they believe that they should.
It’s so very human to expect our dogs to get jumped on by our toddlers but not respond in discomfort. To take food out of their bowls while they are eating it and not expect to get bitten after a year of doing so. To yell at them every time they do something we don’t like and then expect them to “respect” us and even more so, trust us. To shove their face in feces or urine when they make what we consider a “mistake” and then expect them not to eat their feces when we’ve conditioned them to because of our actions. The expectations we put on our dogs are becoming impossible. The expectations we put on our dogs would be impossible for most humans to live up to.
It’s so hard for dogs to be dogs in our human world anymore.
Dogs need agency too, just like we do. They need autonomy in their lives. That gives them the freedom to just be a dog which is one of the very basic standards to meet in animal welfare. To roll on that bug on the sidewalk because it’s not about whether the human finds it gross — it’s about the dog being a dog. To greet another dog appropriately by smelling them from behind first, though in human culture that would be considered rude or disgusting.
In considering breeds, we have gotten to where we can select a dog based on what the dog has been bred for to better match our lifestyle choices and our desires in our companion relationship. There’s definitely something to be said in choosing a breed (or breed mix) that is likely to exhibit traits that one finds desirable. However, even the best selected and matched breed or mixed breed of dog still comes with individual unique qualities — that’s what makes them a living organism and not a robot. Some traits that we love also come with a price. For example, you might love that your mini-dachshund scares all of the unwanted rodents away from your house with their tenacity, but they also might cause your daughter’s pet rabbit to live in a constant state of stress leading to lots of vet visits for the same reason. That cute and fluffy Australian Shepherd that does so many amazing tricks and is so smart may also use their teeth to let the guests at your party know that they are out of line and need to reorganize or else.
Another way to think about this is if we consider a relationship with a significant other. Is it always rainbows and butterflies or is it compromise? Cue Maroon Five for the catchiness to remind us. Are there things you love about your partner but things you really wish were different? Do you force your partner to be someone that they are not so that you may feel more fulfilled? I’m no human behavior professional but I think we can all agree that expecting to force our significant other to change into something we think we want, as opposed to changing how we see our significant other — as an autonomous, sentient, individual, & who they are — will get us nowhere but frustrated and lonely.
This article in no way is suggesting that it’s okay to let your dog bite people if that’s how they are feeling, or steal food from your kid if that’s what they want to do — nothing of that sort. There’s very much give and take on both sides of the proverbial leash to effectively cohabitate with another species. Teaching them how to navigate what works with people and what doesn’t for safety as a parental figure to your canine dependent is also as important as sometimes navigating their world the way they see it so that they can just be happy dogs.
Take a moment to appreciate the dog in front of you. The dog you have. I promise it will improve your relationship to see them for who they are and accept them as such. They see you and they accept you. Remember — you are, after all, the human your dog has, not the human they selectively chose based on your personal traits or how you were bred.